Evil?

scared of being a Bridezilla!

I’m getting married this January and after reading so many stories of mean and demanding brides I have tried hard to be extra nice to all involved with my wedding. I let the bridesmaids choose what style dress they want to wear, and I am insisting on paying for it too. I make a point of only talking about the wedding on one day of the week – I don’t want to bore people with wedding details all the time! I always hear friends say ‘oh that girl – she talks about her wedding non-stop’, I don’t want people to be saying that about me!

I always wanted a small non-religious wedding (my family and I are agnostic), just mine & my fiancé’s immediate family in a nice location overseas, no fuss – just the most important people in our lives. Not so for my fiancé and his family, they want a huge religious ceremony in the city that we live in. My father (being a traditional man) has insisted on paying for the wedding, which I think is a very nice gesture considering that we are not religious and have no family in this city.

After much hunting and searching for a nice church and reception venue my fiancé and I booked what we were happy with – and also fitted into my father’s generous financial offer. The venue seats 160 people – which makes for 80 guests each side. I told my future mother in law of this number, saying that 80 people each side will be fair and even. The next day she e-mails me a list of the people she wanted to invite from her side – there were 140 people on the list!
When she asked us what the cost was per head at the reception place and we told her it was $290 per person she said that it was too much, that we had to change venues, even though she isn’t paying for anything! My fiancé and I were so mad! But I didn’t want to be a bridezilla, so luckily my fiancé had a strict word to her about cutting down the guest list; he is very supportive towards me.

My future mother in law asked what colours I was thinking of having for my bridesmaids. I hadn’t really thought about it, but said I was considering black because I wouldn’t have to worry about matching colours or upsetting bridesmaids with colour tones that may not suit them. She snapped at me! She said no! It wasn’t allowed. I didn’t say anything because I was worried about seeming like a bridezilla.

All I worry about it that if she gets like this during wedding preparation, how will she be when I have children? I don’t like being bossed around, but I also don’t want to be called a bridezilla or upset anyone. Argh! Help!

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7 comments

  1. I totally feel the same way. I’ve been in plenty of weddings and I’m so set on making sure I got really nice gifts for the wedding party and trying to considered what the important people want. Like me, him, his mom and my mom and his grandparents. I feel I’ve done really really well. But now I’m about 2 weeks away from the actual wedding and I’m getting so fed up with everyone complaining about every little detail that I’m about to turn into a bridezilla. No matter what decision I make its wrong to at least one person. And at first I could just ignore the complaining and just be like oh I’d rather do that. Even when some would suggest their idea over and over again after I already gave a decision. But now its to the point that I don’t care what anyone wants because there is always someone not happy that I’m about ready to say I don’t care, I’m doing what I want deal with it. I’m trying to resist still, thinking I can make it because if I snap I know I’m going to be labeled “bridezilla.” I think I’ve become convinced that everyone around the bride turns the bride into a bridezilla.

  2. Not being a bridezilla is one thing, being a doormat is another. Don’t let your future MIL deter you. Be polite but firm, say you would like black dresses because it will be easier for the bridesmaids, it’s formal, flatteriing, and goes with your colours (black goes with anything). At this point, she is being rude. I would suggest going to the website ‘Etiquete Hell’, and looking around the stories of other brides in your situation. I believe it’s under the title, Monster-in-laws. Keep a sense of humour and you’ll be fine. Good Luck!

  3. Soon To Be Groom

    290 Per person…. wow…

  4. I am planning my wedding as well and feel the same way, but there is a time to be BRIDZILLA and a time not to be. In your case when your mother in law was taking it upon her self to invite people. You should of had bridzilla come out. She is entitled to invite people but not 140 people that is ridiculous.
    As far as the color schemes again another time to be a bridezilla. It is your wedding not hers. If you want your brides maids to be wearing black then fine. I had all of my girls pick out what dress they wanted as long as it was the color we all agreed on. Talk to the girls see what colors they are thinking. Please stand up to your mother in law because it is your wedding not yours. I think if u stand up to her now then she realize that it is your wedding and she can not act that way. Like I said earlier there is a time to be bridezilla. Pick your battles wisely. Don’t let every little thing get you upset, but also remember this is your wedding not hers.
    Enjoy the planning and I hope you stand up to your mother in law.

    Ps: don’t be mean about it, just let her know what your feelings are 😀

  5. FortheGreaterGood

    Your wedding is about you and your groom, and no one else. Everyone else is just along for the ride. You need to talk with your groom and have him help handle the matter between you and his mother in law. You are quite right in that this isn’t just about your wedding. It’s about that woman controlling you. It’s your life. Not hers. Show some spine. You don’t have to be hurtful about it, but you need to be firm.

  6. I agree with Rose, don’t let yourself become a doormat just to pacify everyone else. I think it’s really admirable that you don’t want to be a Bridezilla, but remember that it’s your wedding. She’s already had hers, this one is for you and your FH. Compromise is good (on everyone’s part), but if you want black dresses, have black dresses. A nice black dress will look nice, not like a funeral dress or anything disrespectful. I’ve been in plenty of weddings and only rarely had the chance to wear the dresses again (and know many former bridesmaids who have never worn any of their dresses again). However, I’m often in the situation of needing a nice black formal dress.

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